How Bad Advertising Happens to Good People...

1. Your brother-in-law took some marketing classes at night at the junior college, so you hired him to write your brochure. He misspelled the name of your company, inverted the numbers in your phone number, made claims that got you sued, then told your mother who told your sister that you probably couldn't sell an inner tube on the Titanic.

2. You bought an eighth of a page in the Black Hole, South Dakota Chamber of Commerce Directory, crammed 500 words and your logo into it, then waited for the phone to ring.

3. The local radio station KRAP convinced you that a hundred 30-second spots between the weekly broadcast of the Civil Defense test siren and the public service announcement of the symptoms of food poisoning was a really great deal.

4. You decided that if "that geek can sell spray-on hair in a can and Chia Pets" on television, then any idiot can make an infomercial and get rich.

5. You overestimated the intelligence of your customers. They put the spray-on hair on the Chia Pets, then lodged complaints with the Better Business Bureau when they wilted.

6. You underestimated the intelligence of your customers. They organized the Pets, and filed a class action suit against you on behalf of the
chia-impaired.

7. You turned your budget over to somebody wearing a white leisure suit and
a "Free Symington" button.

8. The summer intern you hired thought "demographics" was a new political party, and tried to make a donation in your name.

9. The great outdoor display advertising deal you signed up for was actually three "taggers" with spray cans painting your company's name on the sides of city buses.

10. The only Music On Hold system you could afford was your granddaughter on her xylophone playing "Pop Goes the Weasel" and "Alley Cat" over and over again.

11. You printed up brochures, and put them under the windshield wipers of 672 cars in the mall parking lot ten minutes ahead of the worst monsoon of the season.

12. You wrote down ten perfectly good advertising ideas on a piece of paper, then put it in a drawer and forgot about it. You found it later when you were rummaging around looking for something to use for your "Will Work for Food" sign.


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